Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
