is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
