thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
