I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
