..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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