Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
