i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
