I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
