she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
