Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
