Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Green mimosas i think yes
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
