Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
