That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
