Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
