sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How does one acquire holy water?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
