quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
