did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
