By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
