There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
