Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
