Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
