Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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