I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
