considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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