just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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