yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
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