i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
where are my eyebrows?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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