Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
