..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
