He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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