Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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