we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
