Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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