We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
