Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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