2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
