did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
