the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
