you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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