You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
