I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
