I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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