its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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