1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
