I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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