Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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