I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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