He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
