In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
