just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
